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Soon, as soon the girl start to realize the world around her, the feeling of being different being grows inside of her, by comments , gestures and suggestions;
· Here I got you a doll to play with.
· It’s a mini kitchen set just for you.
· Don’t stay alone with Uncle X! Why? Just don’t stay alone with him!
In the same time she is receiving all of those nice girly pink dresses, her mother do her best so she would look a miniature version of a Disney princess, and she just might overhear her mother justifying her outfit to her father by: “Oh! Let the girl enjoy those few years!”
She wonders, does my life end after those few years, and she wonders about the meaning behind those words…Soon enough she gets her answer.
The tone of her voice start to change, body image differs, eventually she get handed the white cotton training bra with an awkward gesture from her mother trying to indicate where it should be worn, words were hardly exchanged unless she forgets to wear it then those gestures will thoroughly vocalized.
Her new clothes are getting looser, longer and the colors are getting darker. Lace is replaced by zipper and buttons and extra layers of fabric. Her father now favor her brother, his words of affection are replaced by orders of more coffee or tea ….and what’s that? Blood? Frightened she approaches her mother for explanation and reassurance. She might hear “Congratulations! You became a big girl now; you must now protect yourself for the future.” She wonders ‘’ Protect myself from what?” Mother mutters” from boys just don’t play with your friends from boys” She exclaims “but I grew up with them” Mother yell in impatience “ I said don’t play with them or I swear I will tell your father to break your bones” The girl coward in fear and she have all right to be afraid, her father last slap still sting over her delicate cheeks. She receives her first sanitary pads with another awkward gesture how to place it.
The father comes home he learn the news from his wife in whispers and the look of disaster is all over his face, if he is religious she is to wear a veil, hell even a Nikab, maybe place the girl in a girls only school better not keep the matches next to the fire, but if she is really lucky she just have to make sure never to speak to any boy in front of him.
She start to hide things, she no longer go to her mother not out of being malicious but just explanations are not there, and her father hugs were replaced by kicks and slaps for some time now.
She ends up alone once with Uncle Y and she wonders why he insist he have her over his lap and why he keeps caressing her ass? Her friends never play with her like this, this is a game she doesn’t know… Why the security man was stroking the front of his pants? Maybe they were too tight?
Till he grab her one day and convince her if she didn’t go with him into his dark room, he will tell her father she been a very bad girl and she didn’t need him to continue the sentence to figure out that will end up with a broken rib, which seems never to multiply when broken like her mother said.
She knew what is happening to her is bad, but a child’s mind is easy to fool, easy to convince a child there is no way out especially when there is no one to go or run to.
She came out of the room not knowing fully what happened, feelings of disgust, confusion and mostly fear, yes fear not from the man who just raped her no, fear from her father and her broken bones…
She walks toward her mother but she can’t even describe what happened… so she stays silent…
Fast forward years later, she’s in high school and after a strange biology class from a sweaty red faced confused teacher, she understand why she bleeds every month and she silently listen to a giggly girl trying to explain vaguely the act of sex……tears begun to roll over her cheeks.
Friend: what now? I didn’t think that will make you tear up!
Girl: Nothing just allergy
And she walks away.
Vowing to her father, her brother , her mother and herself never to talk to a man she goes to college, yes she managed to avoid all men till now, only she has supervised contact with her male cousins who took turns in vocalizing how her dress doesn’t reach the ground and they can see her foot.
She doesn’t care if her reputation of being a prude she is proud to be one and she kept her vow till one day while walking home from college she hears someone yelling at her “Hey bitch, nice breasts, can I suck on them” ….She screamed and screamed….No words just screams…Her first word to a strange man since years of silence was a scream….Little she knew it was followed by more screams later that day…
People gathered in the street over her screams, voices started to rise “She is one hell of a crazy bitch”, “Did a snake just bite her?”, “all girls are crazy”….till one old, very old man came to her rescue and take the man who verbally harassed her by the scuff of his neck, while muttering “what happened to youth those days? All respect is gone….I’m sorry my child, let’s go to the police station, this punk sure needs a lesson” and he lead the man to the nearest police station while she followed head bowed tears falling and stumbling…. “But you don’t understand…My father…Will kill me...” the old man wondered “Why? I saw the entire situation, you done nothing wrong this is a punk who needs a lesson” in front of her continuous tears and wails, he told her with a smile “ Don’t worry, I will stay with you till your family arrives, call them from your cell phone, don’t worry I will tell them what happened and they will know you done nothing wrong” She made the call to her mother to hear long scream then a loud thud then her brother picked up the phone and ask “Where are you?” she gave him the name of the police station.
The old man helped her through filing a police report and he gave his testimony, police officer seemed sympathetic and she actually started to feel she didn’t do anything wrong…
Her family arrived and the next events are a blunder of being dragged home by her hair, kicks, slaps and intense pain…..Then pitch black….She woke up in the hospital to see the dreaded cast and some band-aids decorating her skin…She cried” why he just doesn’t kill me this time and get over with it”
Bones heal and years pass… It’s very hard to miss physical damage while it is very easy to ignore the sad broken eyes. She became skin and bones but no one knows but her, loose tents hide anything…
She knew the day will come but she chose not to think about it… She woke up to see her father smile at her; she can’t even remember the last time he smiled at her……” Congratulation bride, finally a good man proposed and it’s final, I just read your Fat’ha” … “But who is he?”….his face started to turn “Well he is coming tomorrow to arrange the terms of marriage with me, you may come in briefly then to take a look at him.” She hesitantly and in almost whispers said “Can I at least sit to talk with him? So I can have a better idea about him” His face turned beet red as he yelled while waving his hand around as if he is to hit her “ HAVE YOU GONE INSANE? DO YOU WANT TO DESTROY OUR FAMILY’S REPUTATION, OF COURSE NOT TILL WE WRITE THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT”
Congratulating faces and voices started to pour from every direction, her friends all the time to see her new wedding ring that was slipped over her finger by a grinning man followed by a signature and a lot of congratulations, she is now Mrs. Someone she knows nothing about….Another party to report her movements to or an angry call would reach her father, another figure to fear. His meetings with her consisted of dedicated orders of how he likes his food, what she should wear, how all her friends from girls are evil and complains how the kitchen her mother selected cost a lot.
In reality she didn’t sleep since she knew about her groom’s existence, she feared he would know later what happened to her as a child, so she summoned up her courage and told her best friend she fears that blood won’t come out….she didn’t tell her she was raped of course she just expressed fear that she won’t bleed that much desired blood…Though her best friend raised an eyebrow and gave her an awkward look she told her “easy I will bring you a vial of fresh chicken blood over your wedding and you can slip some inside in the bathroom before you go out to him, he won’t know the difference, your beauty will make him forget all about it”
So she did and he bought it, weeks later she started throwing up in the morning and 9 month later she is in a hospital bed not with a broken bone this time but with a beautiful baby girl in her arms, whose father didn’t care to see or name till now…..Bones hurt less.
Commentary:
Thank you for reading this article though bit long. All of what is written is based over real events, identities were concealed of course. Sadly they were not some individual cases, they happen every day to many girls, too many than I like to count or remember.
Before you start your rant, I know not all Egyptian men are like what I stated above, some are great noble men and I happen to be married to one, but if you denied my story then you have been living in denial for a very long time.
Women in Egypt are obsessively harassed all time, veiled or not, Nikab or not. The majority of the society still seems to turn a blind eye to every women scream.
I hope things to change, I really do. Please end sexual harassment.
